I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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