You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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