Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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