last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize