so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i drank out of a bidet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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