I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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