its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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