Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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