hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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