cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize