all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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