the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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