I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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