Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Fuck appropriateness.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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