i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
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She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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