I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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