we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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