I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize