i would punch a child for taco bell
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So here I am, sexting at work.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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