1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
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He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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