pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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