Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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