I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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