eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize