Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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