you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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