I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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