So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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