i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize