Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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