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just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
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