Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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