TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize