I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
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I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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