Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize