As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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