I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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