dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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