it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize