U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize