I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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