What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize