This girl is more easily done than said...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
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In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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