I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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