I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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