we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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