okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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