Who wears a wallet chain?!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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