My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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