thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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