Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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